Get real about emotions!

We’ve all been trained to hide our emotions in a business environment—especially during negotiation. Keep your emotions out of negotiations or the other side may crush you, right? Not exactly, because you can’t negotiate effectively as a detached robot. So how do you find the happy medium?

Recognize that emotions—positive and negative—are totally normal during a negotiation. But we’re often so busy driving the conversation, persuading the other party and doing everything we can to close the deal, that in the moment, we lose touch with our emotions. Or we choose not to deal with them.

This can affect you whether you’re a seller or buyer. As a seller, you may have worked hard to prepare a complex proposal, which you believe is a win-win for both parties. But when you present it, those on the other side aren’t happy. Not only do they reject your proposal, they threaten to give the business to your competitor. Or, as a client, you’re told by the only vendor who carries your product line or can solve your problem that the price being offered is final, so “Take it or leave it.”
In both cases, whether seller or buyer, you feel victimized, insulted and betrayed and fear losing the deal and not achieving your goal. The muscles in your chest tighten, your anxiety rises and you feel like blurting out an angry, “You’ve got to be kidding me!” or “You can’t do that!”  But you’re professional enough to avoid such a counterproductive outburst. Yet you can’t simply dismiss these all-too-real emotions.

At this point in the negotiation, take a step back to acknowledge your emotions and analyze where they’re coming from. Once you understand them, you have two choices: Ignore the emotions and try to continue the same way. Or, be curious. Try to connect with the other person to understand his or her point of view with a question such as, “Help me to understand how you arrived at this conclusion.”

Remember that in a heated negotiation, controlling and harnessing emotions is never easy. Still, the more you’re able to acknowledge these emotions as they arise, the greater your likelihood of achieving the desired outcomes.

Written by Gaetan Pellerin - Scotwork Canada

Do I Tell the Whole Truth?

Telling lies in a commercial negotiation is not only dangerous, it’s simply not necessary.
But you don’t need me to tell you that – if you’ve ever discovered a lie from the other
side, you’ll know how it tends to undermine your faith in everything else they have ever
have told you.

More challenging, and less obvious, is the question of what information, from a moral and
commercial perspective, we should disclose?
People often say, “be open and transparent”, which is good (if glib) negotiating advice.
But full disclosure (like disclosing your bottom line or walk-away position, or how
desperately you need an agreement) will rarely result in a good outcome for you or your
employer. As a negotiator, I believe you are ethically obliged to tell the truth, and nothing but the truth. But neither you, nor the other side, have a moral obligation to tell
the whole truth.
Language is key. Consider these alternatives:
YOUR ACTUAL POSITION - The current proposal has the minimum margin you can accept in the deal
COMMON PHRASING - “That’s our final offer”
BETTER PHRASING - “That’s the minimum margin we can accept. Unless we see additional value from you in other areas, that’s our final offer”
You’ll notice the wording in the common phrasing is not strictly true, and if the other side
holds their ground, you’re either going to deadlock, or have to move off a firmly stated
position (thus undermining the veracity of your word). The 'better phrasing' will move
the deal forward just as assertively, but avoids entrenching you in a stalemate – with the
added benefit of actually being truthful!
In practice, most people disclose less than they should, because they fail to realize that disclosure of the right information can both help build trust, and give you more leverage.
It’s both ethical and effective. Specifically, you should disclose:
- Your optimistic realistic objectives – what does a good deal look like to you - if
they don’t know what you want, how can they give it to you?
- Any information that will come out anyway – better for you to disclose it, in a
controlled way and on your timing, than have them drag it out of you under
duress;
- Any specific, truthful information that will be bad news to them, or will lower
their expectations of what they can achieve – expectation management is a key
negotiating skill, and the earlier you pop their balloon (politely), the better.

If you do it right, they’ll thank you for delivering the bad news early.

Written by Simon Letchford - Scotwork Australia