Probably my most difficult negotiations are with my
toddler, let’s call her Miss C. Like most kids she knows what she wants, and is
specific about what she wants, and won’t relent until she gets it. These
attributes alone make her a formidable negotiating opponent. I’m by no means a
parenting specialist nor am I trying to be. Through the learning curve I’m
experiencing you may find a few lessons to which you will relate, and could use
in your personal and business life when negotiating.
They want it, get it, then meltdown
Little Miss C really wanted to go on the tea cup ride
last weekend at Darling Harbour. This sounded like a great idea, so off I went
and bought two tickets, then proceeded with Miss C to board her favourite
colour yellow tea cup. The ride moved into motion and instantly Miss C broke
into tears of fear and wanted off. The next five minutes were torture for her,
everyone else on the ride and her dad, who was being gawked at by other parents
as if I had forced my child to endure such a terrifying venture.
Sometimes Miss C doesn’t really know that what she
wants may not be what she really wants, or to her benefit. In negotiations, we
may face a party who wants something that you know would actually not be of
great benefit to them, or too difficult to achieve or implement. For example,
one of the participants on our Advancing Negotiation Skills course was trying
to strike a deal with me after he had completed the course. At the time, he was
studying for his MBA and said that it would be of great benefit for his fellow
students to come on one of our negotiation skills programs. His opening
proposal was that if he were able to secure twelve bookings on our course that
we should provide him with a complimentary place on our follow on course. I
knew that this was going to be a difficult task and that he would quickly lose
interest in pursuing it as it would be too hard for him to secure that many
bookings. I explained this to him, halved the requirement to 6 bookings and
said that we would still give him a complimentary place. It appears as if I had
cruelled the deal for myself, but, actually, a good deal is a deal that can be
implemented in real life by both parties.
Undermining your own authority
Occasionally, well honestly, often, my wife and I find
ourselves in the heat of battle with Miss C due to a typical emotional toddler
behaviour situation. We default to a rash threat such as, “We will not go to
the party then and you will stay home.” It’s a lose/lose. Not only does she get
stuck at home, but so do we. Secondly, it’s a threat that we probably would not
implement. Miss C is great at pushing the boundaries and, when we fail to carry
out our idle threat, she learns to push further.
In negotiations we refer to threats as sanctions.
Sanctions (something the other party wishes to avoid) are a great source of
power and, if used correctly and well, will give you leverage in a negotiation.
If you use a sanction you must be able to follow it through. Just like Miss C,
if your counterpart calls your bluff, you lose your credibility, your power and
they may even push you further.
Dealing with a controlling person
Miss C is a decision maker. She wants to make her own
decisions and doesn’t like to be told what to do. We’ve had to adapt our
approach to get her to do things through what we call “The Lesser of Two
Evils”, which is a form of an ‘either or’ proposal. For example, if we need
Miss C to put on her pyjamas, but she wants to go and play in the garden, we
trade it. If she agrees to put on her pyjamas, then she can go to the garden,
or she can choose to go straight to bed. This might sound a bit harsh, but it
works, as she makes the decision which is always the lesser of two evils to
her: to put on her pyjamas rather than to go straight to bed.
When we negotiate, we are often in front of decision
makers who, as they are described, like to be the one perceived to be making
the final decision. Consider using ‘either or’ proposals that will give them
the perceived decision making power that they enjoy. Just make sure you’re
happy with all the options you put forward.
Setting expectations
Miss C has a bird phobia at the moment. On the last
two brunch visits to our favourite café, a little tweeting Indian Minor
bird upset her to the point of tantrum, forcing us to leave as we had
disturbed the peace of the entire café. So, prior to heading down to the café
for our third attempt we prepped Miss C that there would more than likely be
birds around and that they would be friendly birds. This worked, and now she
refers to the bird as a “friend” and can enjoy babycinos and cheesy toast once
again.
In negotiations, it’s important to set the other
party’s expectations realistically and to set them early. Reveal information
that is pertinent to a deal being done, as well as any stickier issues that may
be uncomfortable for the other party. This will save time if there is no bridge
possible on certain issues and/or free you up to work hard on the issues that
really matter. Common advice is to agree on the easy things first, however,
this is poor advice as you could consume precious time if there are
deal-breaking issues still to be confronted. Rather face the big issues first.
Once those have been agreed upon and settled, the easier issues will follow
suit, as, psychologically, neither party is likely to want to lose the gained
territory or momentum of the negotiation, which is heading to a successful
close.
Happy negotiating!
Tyler Hall – Scotwork Australia
